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She is three in one, or maybe even more.

 

She’s unapologetic, unwavering.

She morphs, transforms.

She peels off layers.

She adorns new ones.

 

She is more than a woman.

She is a queen.

She is a girl at heart.

She is a princess.

 

She is reserved.

She is water.

She is fierce.

She is fire.

 

She is the wind.

She is independent.

She is nourishment.

She is a mother.

 

She is free.

She is a cat.

She is wild.

She is a lioness.

 

With each transformation, she puts on her armour.

 

She puts on her adornment.

She wears her precious makeup.

She puts on her statement, her lipstick.

She adorns her lips and morphs.

 

Read her lips, and you will know who she is today.

Are you game? 

 

I want you.

Not the frills and things, you offer me.

I want you.

Not your money

 

Yes, your time.

Yes, your presence.

Yes, your smile.

Yes, your whole being!

 

I want you to inhabit the moment.

Share your brokenness, your mistakes.

I want you to show me how to laugh at myself when I fail.

Share your discouragement and comeback moments, after failing.

 

Teach me how to love me.

I learn when I see the way you love yourself.

I see it in the way you interact with me.

So, be entirely and naturally you.

 

That way, dear parent,  I will finally be me.

Long tunnel.

What a lonely, dark, dreary tunnel I am inside.

An endless tunnel that twists and turns.

What an oppressive tunnel I am navigating.

 

How long must I walk?

How long must I tread?

How long must I dread?

How long must I balk?

 

Dreams shattered.

Dreams withered.

Dreams evaporate.

Dreams dried up.

 

Like dew drops in the noonday sun.

 

I scream.

I cry.

I yell.

I groan.

 

Oh, my dear dream.

 

Let you go; I can’t.

No matter how far you seem.

No matter how futile you appear.

No matter how stupid I seem.

 

For you see, dear dream.

 

You are my lifeline.

You make me see life differently.

You reveal to me new possibilities.

You make me come alive.

 

Lonely, yes.

All alone.

Misunderstood, yes.

Disregarded sometimes.

 

Even most of the times!

 

But dream on, I will.

Fail forward is the motto.

One day, at a time.

One dream moment, after the other.

 

So, let’s go, dear dream.

Let’s conquer the world.

Reveal to me, who I am.

Let’s be the best of who we are!

You are a fragile shoot.

Snuffed out in an instant.

You are a tenacious weed.

You stubbornly hold on.

You don’t let go, till your last breath expires.

 

Oh, life!

 

You are high.

You are low.

You are a joy.

You are a pain.

 

You are plenty.

You are lack.

You bring happiness.

You are sadness.

 

You are companionship.

You are loneliness.

You are calm and appeased.

You are mad and enraged.

 

Oh, life!

 

You span short.

You flow long and broad.

You are so hard to grasp.

You are untameable.

You are elusive, like holding the wind.

 

She hurled angry, resentful words.

She wanted to rip off his face.

The laid-back demeanour he portrayed.

The calm and collected air he exuded.

 

She wanted him to react.

She needed him to act.

He had been passive for a while.

He had been grating on her nerves for some time.

 

It takes two to tango.

She knew that.

Disrespect was his fault.

Did she respect him?

 

Facing herself now, she must.

Stay the same, an option no more.

Facing each other’s core is a must.

Healing together is their joint goal.

 

Number my moments.

Number my comments.

Number my torments.

Number my adornments.

 

These precious people, I have in my life.

Precious Moments, I experience.

These precious things that embellish my life

Valuable opportunities, I have.

 

These precious moments make my day worthwhile.

They make my life worth living.

They make my heart glad.

They make my soul rested and peaceful.

 

Numbering, Accounting for each moment.

I make the most of my time.

For each moment counts.

Who am I?

 

Am I what you think I am?

Am I what you say I am?

Am I what I think, you think I am?

Am I what I think I am?

 

Who calls the shots?

Why do I bend over backward? 

To do what I think, you would want me to do.

To do what they, would want me to do.

 

Who are they?

I do wonder.

They are nameless and faceless.

They dictate my life, don’t they?

 

They decide what is in and what is out.

They decide what is trending and what is not.

Or do they?

Do they care that much about my life?

 

Aren’t they caught up in their own life?

 

So, who am I?

I am what I think I am.

My life will go in the direction of my dominant thoughts.

So, what do I think about myself?

 

What do I tell me about me?

How do I see myself?

Do I even like myself?

If I don’t, who will?

 

I stand.

I decide.

I move forward.

I jump.

 

It is time.

No one can do it for me.

 

So dear me, stand up and be you.

Be the best you, you know how to be.

That is what matters.

So help me God!

 

 

 

 

Crying, baby.

Child, wailing.

Screaming, baby.

Throw, tantrums.

 

Managing, juggling.

Staying calm.

Stay in control, is the name of the game.

Make it all work.

 

Nerves taut and tensed.

Come unravelling.

Measured, controlled voice.

Shouting, shrilly.

 

Well laid plans come crashing down.

Bewildered exhausted mum.

She stares woefully.

She looks helplessly at the wailing child.

 

It’s heavy.

Your back’s against the wall.

You are losing your mind.

Your sanity’s slipping away.

 

You deny yourself sleep.

You deprive yourself peaceful slumber.

You deny yourself a healthy meal.

You enjoy no balanced nourishment.

 

You deny yourself a relationship.

You deprive yourself any close rapport.

You shut yourself in, no one allowed.

You shut them all out.

 

Oh, do live one day at a time.

Take it, one hour at a time.

Walk, one minute at a time.

Move forward, one second at a time.

 

When you can’t move forward, keep going.

When you’ve lost all hope, keep going.

When all your strength is gone, keep going.

When it hurts like crazy, keep going.

 

Keep moving, even when you’ve hit rock bottom.

Keep moving, one step at a time.

Keep moving, even if you only slither, wriggle.

Keep moving, one desperate crawl at a time.

 

For my dear friend, it all came to pass.

Yes, this too shall pass.

 

Dear heart,

What are you telling me today?

You seem quite restless.

What is making you squirm and fidget?

Like a trapped squirrel in the fowler’s net?

 

Do tell me.

Have I forgotten something important?

Oh dear heart, don’t be coy!

Just spill the beans.

Dish it out to me straight up as is.

No stress, let it all out!

 

Sweet slumber,

I lay me down,

Uncoiling, in quiet repose,

I close my eyes.

 

Dear sweet slumber,

Why so elusive,

Why turn your back on me?

Dear elusive friend.

 

Come close,

Embrace me,

Enlace me,

Hold me tight.

 

For I need you,

You help me balance,

You keep me sane,

You keep me alive.

 

Sweet, sweet slumber,

I peeled back my eyelids,

In a bid to defy you.

Lo and behold it worked.

How deeply I regret now.

 

Sweet Slumber,

Do hold me tight,

Do help me rest,

For you see, I am falling apart!

 

Heavy heart,

Tears flowing,

Heavy heart,

Grieving, groaning.

 

Listening ear,

Heart poured,

Listening ear,

Burden shared.

 

Heart now light.

 

She laughed pitifully, painfully.

She wept happily, joyfully.

It was an upside down world.

The end was the commencement.

 

The bitter was sweet.

The emptiness was full.

The loneliness was company enough.

The darkness was blinding light.

 

She was in a time warp.

It was a house of mirrors.

Her life was deforming, deceptively so.

She was tossed to and fro.

 

She was now trapped.

The mask had morphed, taking a life of its own.

She was now a puppet.

The executioner, the brainless, emotionless pawn.

 

She was the pawn in this chessboard of relationships.

She had lost control.

It terrified her out of her wits.

Or what she had left of it anyway.

 

I am full, nicely so.

I ate well, my lunch I mean.

So, I am quite content.

 

I am full, intensely so.

I rested well, my soul I mean.

Quite at ease.

 

I am full, overwhelmingly so.

I am overflowing, well, my heart is.

I mean, I am quite blessed.

 

Do I cave in and let my heart sting?

Do I give in and let despair set in upon me?

Do I fight with all I have in me?

Do I give the fight of my life?

 

For all that loving that wretched my esteem.

That made my heart steam.

That made my tears stream.

That made me shaken.

 

The gallant token I was offered.

Drew me close and taken I was.

That seemed to me a proof of your lovin’.

Oh! The gullible soul is so easy to coil around one’s firm hold.

 

Not all that glitters is gold, they say.

I disagree.

This gold here that holds my heart.

Is so cold you see.

 

Yellow shirt.

Amber liquid.

Yell, shout.

Anger loathed.

 

You make me recoil when I see you.

You make something crawl inside me.

I don’t want to see you.

Take note of you I won’t.

 

I do not want to see the real issue.

These unspoken issues that lie behind the loud shouts.

They hide behind your irritating, obnoxious mannerisms.

Of your drunken self.

 

I cannot.

I will not.

I should not.

Notice nor care.

 

Because if I do, my heart bleeds for you.

For your shout is a silent cry of help.

I see you.

I hear you.

But I also have my problems.

My shoulders aren’t big enough to carry you.

So, off you go!

 

I shut you out.

I push you out.

I want you far.

I dread you near.

 

Oh, you!

Yellow shirt.

Amber liquid.

Yelling shouting.

Angering loathed.

 

 

You laughed.

I wish you had cried.

I wish you had mourned.

I wish you had screamed.

I wish you had yelled.

 

Oh! How I wish you had.

Your laughter is;

The most broken, forsaken.

The most profound wounded sound I have ever heard.

 

It shook me to my core.

It brought me down to my knees.

It seeped deep into my bones.

It made you part of my heart, causing it to bleed.

 

You laughed, and now I am haunted by the wretchedness of your life.

The deep solitude.

The deep wounds.

The deep shame.

The deep despair.

The depth of things left unsaid.

 

You unloaded all of them at my feet, with one laugh.

You chained me to the stake and set me on fire.

Yes, I am now daily consumed by fire.

The never quenched fire of guilt, regret, helplessness, and self-loath.

 

You laughed and finally brought me grovelling to my knees before you.

Oh! What to do now?

 

Eyes, darting, here and there.

Fingers, dancing, enlacing, releasing.

Feet, shifting, this way that way.

The wait isn’t easy.

 

Heart racing, mouth dry.

Cold sweat breaking, trickling, pouring.

Body heated up.

Tummy rumbling, butterflies fluttering, floating.

 

A sigh of relief, the wait is over now.

Paralysing fear’s dark cobwebs now recede, fading away.

It’s a new day, new possibilities.

Courage warms and strengthens the heart.

Hope springs forth giving it wings.

 

No, I can’t go yet!

I have so many books to write.

So many wrongs I need to right.

So many cars to ride into the tide of life.

 

No! I cannot leave yet.

There are songs that I must sing.

Be it is only to the moon.

In the darkest of nights!

 

River flowing.

What a sight.

Water meandering.

What a sound.

Trees, aligning the water bank.

 

Relaxing.

Reminiscing.

Nature, what a delightful sight.

Reclining, refreshing.

The stream flows.

 

Feet and toes are malaxing.

Massaging, hydrating.

Fingers and palms are caressing.

Eyes are closing, muscles loosening in bliss relaxing.