ON EDGE!

Lovely, pretty, comely.

I am.

Am I, do you think?

Lovely, lovable, loving.

I am.

Am I, do you think?

 

Look, do you see me?

I tremble, I mumble, I stumble.

I look forward.

I look down.

I seem coy.

Don’t I?

 

I am cringing.

Shaking.

I am wincing.

Shrinking.

I am flinching.

Shirking.

I am quailing.

 

Do notice me.

Do like me.

I need it.

One shot, please.

To get me through the day.

The spring in my step is fading fast.

 

DISTRESSED

No longer at ease.

Perturbed.

Ill at ease.

Disturbed.

Uneasy.

Ease away.

Ease up.

 

Troubled.

Distressed.

Troublesome.

Worrying.

Tormented.

Worrisome.

Afflicted.

 

The weight of words.

The spoken, unsaid, unspoken words.

That swell up and take up space.

Shouting shrilly until their deafening din is too much to bear.

 

WISTFUL

I waited for your phone call.

You never called.

I waited for your letter.

You never sent it.

I waited for your text message.

You never texted me.

I waited for your email.

You never sent it.

 

I waited for your presence.

Your listening ear.

Your loving presence.

Your kind smile.

Your warm embrace.

Your friendship.

Your understanding nod.

Your companionship.

 

You, oh you dearest friend.

Were you my friend?

Was it a figment of my imagination?

My divagating, thirsty, love-starved heart.

Was I in this all by myself?

Was it only me, all this time?

I wonder.

 

OUT COLD!

There it was again, lurking beneath the surface.

Waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on me.

I had become complacent in the make-believe zone of “I can handle it, no big deal.”

It had been a mirage, and I was paying dearly for it.

 

My odious opponent, depression is the name, pounced on me and thumped me senseless.

I received an uppercut of “I am ugly” right between my eyes.

A massive straight punch of “I am useless” threw the breath out of me as it landed square on my belly.

The coup de grace fell on my jugular.

I gagged and choked as “no one loves you” suffocated me with an iron grip.

 

IT’S RAINING!

Pitter, patter.

Helter-skelter.

Seeking, shelter.

Why unfettered.

Hide in plain sight.

 

Strutting, running.

Struggling, sliding.

Tempest, rolling.

Trench coat, brolly.

Now in plenty.

 

Puddle, skipping.

Muddy sloshes.

Toddlers, laughing.

Children, skipping.

Adults grumbling.

All live and reacting.

 

Heavy veil.

Drops n’ hail.

Taxis hail.

Muddy trail.

Traffic snail.

 

BIAS

Smiling, nodding, head slightly cocked.

Gaze lowered, hardly resting on any face.

Quickly appraising, gauging, weighing.

Testing the waters, seemingly laid back.

 

Open-minded yet locked up in prejudice.

Subtle double standards, double measures.

Not all pound of flesh is worth its weight in gold.

All are equal, but alas, some are much more equal than others.

 

gauging weighing.

Judging shunning.

Rejecting, demeaning.

Smothering, shattering.

 

BLEAK!

It caught me off guard.

The fist landed squarely between my eyes.

I reeled from the shock of impact.

It clobbered me senseless.

I struggled to stay on my feet, barely standing.

 

Before I passed out, I saw it.

The ugly, gloating, bloated, mean face of depression taunting me.

I had lost to it again.

Try as hard as I could; it defeated me.

I couldn’t pry the cold, sharp, merciless claws of self-loath, heaviness, self-pity that were on top of me now.

 

My whole being trembled, shook and ached.

Help! I mouthed, no sound coming out.

With the last dregs of strength, I had left, I yelled.

I wobbled to my knees, weak, worn-out, wary.

As long as I wasn’t laying down, I still had hope, I mumbled.

 

UPTIGHT!

I woke up today and saw it on the news.

I was glad it happened there, far from me.

So ashamed I am of the relief I felt.

So many people had perished there.

 

I woke up today and saw it on the news.

I staggered, shocked I could barely think.

It terrified, horrified, paralysed me.

It happened on my doorstep, right here!

 

I woke up today and saw my reflection in the mirror.

I was listless; a forlorn face gazed back at me.

I heard shouts and wild animated yells.

I almost jumped out of my skin. Where, what? What danger now?

 

I looked and saw they were watching a football match.

Their cries and shouts depicted their joy.

I realized I lived in a bubble shut off from the world.

I mistook shouts of joy for cries of fear and dread.

 

I woke up today and thought to myself.

The world is still a beautiful place.

Despite these dark clouds of horror.

Threatening to smother hope and life.

 

I woke up today and realized I had lost my innocence.

I was no longer naive.

I have morphed, my perception of life has changed.

I now cherish each moment.

 

PASS THE BUCK

I blame this and that.

I blame him and her.

I blame you and them.

 

For my bad breaks.

For my deep aches.

For my heart breaks.

 

These high n’ lows.

These dreams that broke.

These fears that torment.

 

SHAKEN

There are places you don’t dare go.

Places you don’t dare tread.

Some places are better left unknown.

Places better left unexplored.

 

There are moments when time stands still.

Moments when mine isn’t the will.

Some moments deeply move my core.

Moments that cruelly rip off the mask I wore.