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She looked at him with cold, hard eyes.

She was seething mad.

She wanted to obliterate him from the face of the earth.

She did not.

She had to exercise self-control.

She knew that if she allowed her impulses to lord over her, she would regret it in future.

She was capable of hurting the child in her bout of anger.

She ransacked her brain in search of another way to discipline the child.

She breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, letting go of her pent up anger and stress.

This time around, she would not make the child pay for her stressful day. 

 

 

Deeply hurt.

Can’t you see?

I am in pain.

Oh! It is excruciating.

 

Why stareth thou at my infirmity?

You gauge me.

You dress me down.

Your looks suggest less of a human thou thinkest I am.

 

Have you ever thought about me as a person?

Have you ever imagined what I have been through to come thus far?

Have you ever experienced the pain I have had to bear? 

Have you ever thought of the battles I have had to fight?

 

My body aches.

My mind hurts.

My emotions roil.

My heart bleeds.

 

You look at me, disgusted.

You glance at me, displeased.

Your scathing indifference slaps me.

Your scorning looks burn me.

 

Do you realize the load you heap upon me?

How would you feel after walking a mile in my shoes? I wonder! 

 

 

She is happy, and it is a shy and tentative kind of gladness.

She is awakening to herself today.

She met “herself” today.

She has known “her” forever.

Yet, it was different today.

She embraced herself.

She graciously accepted and loved herself.

It had finally dawned on her that it was no use trying to be someone else.

She was tired of the deep searing pain and discord that reigned within her.

She sighed, content, and at peace with herself.

She was finally whole.

It was a strange kind of completeness.

It was hard to describe.

It was a sense of homecoming.

Yes! That was it.

She had finally come home to “herself” and her purpose; that was beyond precious. 

 

 

My heart swells.

My heart bursts.

My heart overflows.

My heart sings.

 

It is a new day.

New opportunities.

New beginnings.

New possibilities.

 

Today is a new canvas that I can draw on.

I am the master who holds the paintbrush.

I dip the brush at will on the colour pallet before me.

I am not alone.

 

The great artist is always by my side;

Encouraging, protecting, uplifting me.

He strengthens my feeble hands.

My heart and mind are invigorated and rejuvenated for this journey called life.

 

 

When was the last time I put myself out?

When was the last time I did my task sincerely from my heart?

When was the last time I laid bare my soul?

When was the last time I consciously gave myself away with no care?

When was the last time I pushed beyond my limits?

When was the last time I lived truly without a gimmick?

When was it, dear me?

I need to know that I may live again, not exist.

 

“Shut up and listen! Stop interrupting me!” She shouted at the child.

She was livid. Her nostrils flared and deflated like a skirt on a windy day.

Her bloodshot eyes painted a fiery tapestry.

Her eyes shot flaming darts at her object of scorn.

The young child bent over his toys.

He pretended to be oblivious of the rantings and ravings of his mother.

He was used to it.

He continued to build his Lego house; he wanted to see how long it would last this time around.

He silently started the countdown, one, two, three, four.

At the count of three, she stopped shouting, looked at him, and apologized before leaving the room.

 

 

Grovelling.

Toiling.

Yearning.

Am I still hoping?

 

I almost had it.

I once had it.

I might have it.

Will I have it?

 

Thus goes the flow of life.

My life.

My existence seems wasted.

My soul is withering in this barren desert, devoid of hope.

 

I am now just a dried out discarded husk.

I am too old for this profession.

I don’t have enough work experience for that job offer.

I have too many diplomas for this job.

 

Where, oh, where is my place?

Where is my niche, my sweet spot?

Where is my slot?

Where can I cast my anchor?

 

How long will I drift in this barren, cold, cruel, tundra, the wilderness of joblessness?

Please do tell me when this torture ends!

 

 

I am trapped, get me out!

I am stuck, pull me out!

I am drowning, hold me tight!

I am falling, don’t let go of my hand!

Help! Oh, help me!

Throw me a lifeline.

Be my buoy, and save this perishing soul.

 

 

I feel so ugly now.

I feel so-so.

I don’t even know how to name this yucky feeling.

These emotions suck me into the dark abyss of depression.

I am wrong.

I was wronged.

I have wronged.

 

 

I open my mouth to share the pearls of wisdom I think I possess.

Once these sly, mischievous words have flown out of my mouth,

I realize the extent of my folly.

I don’t know it all.

I don’t have all the answers.

So who am I to stand as judge and sage?

 

 

The beauty of the horizon transfixes my eyes.

I am now blind to what is right before me.

The distant mirage beckons me.

I miss out on the beautiful reality of my mundane “here now.”

 

 

Your words stung.

They planted their sharp darts deep in the tender folds of my heart.

It wasn’t your intention.

Yet the result remains the same.

My heart is sore and swollen tender.

The wound is hard to erase.

So, please kindly weight your words.

Do not dish them out carelessly.

For many a time, you have knocked me down with your utterances.

You have left me cringing and groaning on the hard floor of “insensitive statements.”

 

 

Validate me.

See me, hear me, let me know I exist.

What I say is essential, because I matter.

Validate me, approve of me.

I need your approbation; it is the guarantee that I am someone special.

My social status and my title are the gauges of my importance.

Please validate me, substantiate my claims; if you don’t, then I cease to live.

So, do bear with me.

I am loud, aggressive, and abrasive.

It may be because I need an affirmation from you.

Your mission is to authenticate me.

So, please validate me. 

Your words do reassure me.

 

 

Today you threw me away.

You were cordial and friendly.

We made small talk.

Everything appeared normal, on the surface.

Our seemingly deep level of amity would touch a bystander watching us. 

You tossed me aside.

You were so subtle, so gentle, so stealth in doing it that I almost missed it.

My gut feeling told me to wake up and be alert, for you were discarding me.

I am dead weight to you now.

“Nothing” is the only commodity I seem to bestow upon you.

Oh, why did you forget the wealth of memories we shared?

You still want me to leave?

OK, I vacate the premises of this place called “friendship.”

I will not hold you back any more.

Goodbye, I will weight you down no more.

 

 

I know you don’t like the status quo.

I know you don’t like the way things are right now.

I drive you crazy.

I make you mad.

I push you to your limits.

I make your blood boil.

So don’t act all cool, calm, and collected.

Let it all out on me as raw as it is.

Keep it real with me, that I may know my limits.

If you aren’t sincere with me, I drift, tossed about in the stormy sea of life.

I am in a state of limbo, and it frightens me.

So, if you do care for me, be real.

Please do, for no indifference is allowed here! 

 

 

She stood still.

She was an island in the ocean of people around her.

She was a deserted island in this hustling and bustling sea of humanity.

I looked at her.

She held my gaze and a smile lifted off the veil of sadness from her eyes.

Her smile slowly faded away like the lifeless petals of a wilted rose.

I wanted to reach out and help her.

I felt wretched, for I knew not how to meet her need.

 

 

There is a sadness that never says its name.

It is a faithful companion that sticks closer than a brother.

When the curtain falls and everyone leaves, this heaviness never deserts me.

It is a heavy cloak that envelopes me in anonymity.

It is a weighty mantle that sometimes threatens to choke the life out of me.

 

 

Oh, goodness me!

I woke up this morning from the wrong side of the bed.

I can’t recall which side it was.

All I know is that it has left me cranky and edgy.

Keep off my path!

Keep clear of me!

Give me time to put myself together again.

I don’t want to lash out blindly any more.

I have caused enough casualties.

So, when you see my countenance clothed with a heavy veil of “bad mood”: do understand me, please.

I got up from the wrong side of the bed!

There is a problem, though.

Can you tell me which is the right side?

For you see, I can’t seem to find it no matter how hard I look!

 

 

Nothing!

They didn’t find anything.

I hoped they would find something.

They found nothing.

 

I stand at a crossroad torn apart.

 

What will be my next move?

Will I stand still, petrified?

Will I move forward, terrified?

Will I look backward, mortified?

 

I wait for everything to unfold.

 

I take one step after the other, unhurried.

I face each obstacle as it comes, unwavering.

I walk each road with its twists and turns, unworried.

I glean the lessons from my past, unthreatening.

 

I enjoy the journey, inhabiting each moment as it unravels before me. 

 

 

Help! I am stuck in a rut.

I am lost.

I can’t find my way out of this labyrinth of “people-pleasing.”

I always need to be validated.

It is so tiring, wandering in this desolate desert of “approval addiction.”

I want out!

I have partaken of this meal for so long that I know not how to escape.