Crying, baby.

Child, wailing.

Screaming, baby.

Throw, tantrums.


Managing, juggling.

Staying calm.

Stay in control, is the name of the game.

Make it all work.


Nerves taut and tensed.

Come unravelling.

Measured, controlled voice.

Shouting, shrilly.


Well laid plans come crashing down.

Bewildered exhausted mum.

She stares woefully.

She looks helplessly at the wailing child.



It’s heavy.

Your back’s against the wall.

You are losing your mind.

Your sanity’s slipping away.


You deny yourself sleep.

You deprive yourself peaceful slumber.

You deny yourself a healthy meal.

You enjoy no balanced nourishment.


You deny yourself a relationship.

You deprive yourself any close rapport.

You shut yourself in, no one allowed.

You shut them all out.


Oh, do live one day at a time.

Take it, one hour at a time.

Walk, one minute at a time.

Move forward, one second at a time.


When you can’t move forward, keep going.

When you’ve lost all hope, keep going.

When all your strength is gone, keep going.

When it hurts like crazy, keep going.


Keep moving, even when you’ve hit rock bottom.

Keep moving, one step at a time.

Keep moving, even if you only slither, wriggle.

Keep moving, one desperate crawl at a time.


For my dear friend, it all came to pass.

Yes, this too shall pass.



Dear heart,

What are you telling me today?

You seem quite restless.

What is making you squirm and fidget?

Like a trapped squirrel in the fowler’s net?


Do tell me.

Have I forgotten something important?

Oh dear heart, don’t be coy!

Just spill the beans.

Dish it out to me straight up as is.

No stress, let it all out!



Sweet slumber,

I lay me down,

Uncoiling, in quiet repose,

I close my eyes.


Dear sweet slumber,

Why so elusive,

Why turn your back on me?

Dear elusive friend.


Come close,

Embrace me,

Enlace me,

Hold me tight.


For I need you,

You help me balance,

You keep me sane,

You keep me alive.


Sweet, sweet slumber,

I peeled back my eyelids,

In a bid to defy you.

Lo and behold it worked.

How deeply I regret now.


Sweet Slumber,

Do hold me tight,

Do help me rest,

For you see, I am falling apart!



Heavy heart,

Tears flowing,

Heavy heart,

Grieving, groaning.


Listening ear,

Heart poured,

Listening ear,

Burden shared.


Heart now light.



She laughed pitifully, painfully.

She wept happily, joyfully.

It was an upside down world.

The end was the commencement.


The bitter was sweet.

The emptiness was full.

The loneliness was company enough.

The darkness was blinding light.


She was in a time warp.

It was a house of mirrors.

Her life was deforming, deceptively so.

She was tossed to and fro.


She was now trapped.

The mask had morphed, taking a life of its own.

She was now a puppet.

The executioner, the brainless, emotionless pawn.


She was the pawn in this chessboard of relationships.

She had lost control.

It terrified her out of her wits.

Or what she had left of it anyway.



I am full, nicely so.

I ate well, my lunch I mean.

So, I am quite content.


I am full, intensely so.

I rested well, my soul I mean.

Quite at ease.


I am full, overwhelmingly so.

I am overflowing, well, my heart is.

I mean, I am quite blessed.



Do I cave in and let my heart sting?

Do I give in and let despair set in upon me?

Do I fight with all I have in me?

Do I give the fight of my life?


For all that loving that wretched my esteem.

That made my heart steam.

That made my tears stream.

That made me shaken.


The gallant token I was offered.

Drew me close and taken I was.

That seemed to me a proof of your lovin’.

Oh! The gullible soul is so easy to coil around one’s firm hold.


Not all that glitters is gold, they say.

I disagree.

This gold here that holds my heart.

Is so cold you see.



Yellow shirt.

Amber liquid.

Yell, shout.

Anger loathed.


You make me recoil when I see you.

You make something crawl inside me.

I don’t want to see you.

Take note of you I won’t.


I do not want to see the real issue.

These unspoken issues that lie behind the loud shouts.

They hide behind your irritating, obnoxious mannerisms.

Of your drunken self.


I cannot.

I will not.

I should not.

Notice nor care.


Because if I do, my heart bleeds for you.

For your shout is a silent cry of help.

I see you.

I hear you.

But I also have my problems.

My shoulders aren’t big enough to carry you.

So, off you go!


I shut you out.

I push you out.

I want you far.

I dread you near.


Oh, you!

Yellow shirt.

Amber liquid.

Yelling shouting.

Angering loathed.




You laughed.

I wish you had cried.

I wish you had mourned.

I wish you had screamed.

I wish you had yelled.


Oh! How I wish you had.

Your laughter is;

The most broken, forsaken.

The most profound wounded sound I have ever heard.


It shook me to my core.

It brought me down to my knees.

It seeped deep into my bones.

It made you part of my heart, causing it to bleed.


You laughed, and now I am haunted by the wretchedness of your life.

The deep solitude.

The deep wounds.

The deep shame.

The deep despair.

The depth of things left unsaid.


You unloaded all of them at my feet, with one laugh.

You chained me to the stake and set me on fire.

Yes, I am now daily consumed by fire.

The never quenched fire of guilt, regret, helplessness, and self-loath.


You laughed and finally brought me grovelling to my knees before you.

Oh! What to do now?